GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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