It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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