is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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