Im at strip club and am horny
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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