ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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