Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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