He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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