And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
