He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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