He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
