come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sext me about skeletons
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
