Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
