chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want a musical about memes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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