god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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