I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
