I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
