Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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