I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
