so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
