I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
