Can i not drive my cunt home
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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