Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
