My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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