fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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