fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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