You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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