My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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