I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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