I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
