I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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