Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
