Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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