o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
