I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
