i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
