super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he told me I talked like a deaf person
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Drunk is a universal language darling
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