The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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