just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize