that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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