when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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