bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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