I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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