Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
