guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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