he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
