im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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