**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
