At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
