i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
