I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
