I like to think it a success when the cops are called
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
