I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
