Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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