He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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