im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
