Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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