It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
