I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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