You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
