She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i will never coherently bang her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
