Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
