grandma shit on top of the toilet
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
