And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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