If i come over, it means nothing
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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