He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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