Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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