i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
