you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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