We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
