DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
