I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
