No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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