who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
