Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
