he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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