She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
