There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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