So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
