we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize