You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
