i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
