Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
