We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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